A choice

I am ruminating on events that took place two years ago..around this time...:

The colour of the sky changed;
the wind took a different course,
around the mango tree with brown fungi(which you conned me into eating).
Wheels are still rolling,
at the absence of two white rats(which you tortured in a smoking chamber);
And our days as residents under one roof turned to dust,
a whiff of smoke that never recollects,
in that living room where our laughter once roared.

Paper rolled at the edges,
ink fades on that card with all your blessings.
But words come back,
like waves returning to the shore from the deep waters
of awakening silver images.

Moments when time froze
are when goodbyes tugged the core of a softened heart,
when phone dials grew cold,
as the line went dead
with your voice ending with a helpless sigh,
during your exam,
after I left a goodbye-note on the tv,
before I took off.

My heart was heavy,
my limbs weighed like tonnes.
My conscience screamed out the unfairness,
of having not enough hours, minutes and seconds
to hear that faithful old man;
to indulge in his lecture
that explains all
all about how the universe works,
a language that makes out logic
drafts out sense
crafts out what we all know as a whole called physics.

Now I wonder how things would be
if I never got the letter,
if you never said goodbye,
if we never took that last picture together,
with eyes that reflected a strange light,
and smiles that concealed much sadness.