Relishing Solitude

Ich spiele in Schweigsamkeit meine einzelne Symphonie im Gehirn, die Gott und ich zusammen komponieren.

"Freundlich ungesprochen
Du zeigst dein' Emotion
Und Schweigs'mkeit sprichst lauter als Wort'
E'ist glücklich, ich bin klug
Falls ich nicht besser wusst'
Ich hab' dar'n geglaubt, nur was ich hör' "
-Kindly Unspoken, Kate Voegele [translated]

Gravitation by Kadinsky

Lives are faces full of mimics, sketches of events. Descriptions are subjective and one's life is mystical to another. In juxtaposition to others whose lives are criss-crossed by scars of tragedy, my daily missed tunes are nothing and actually, I should be saying with assurance and gratitude that I am blessed, guarded, looked after by God.
What justifies delight? Is it cancellation of class?(expected solidarity from my classmates) Does it involve receiving a token of love from someone special? Winning a game and beating the experts? Or having hours and hours of silence, totally indifferent to strangers around? Mine is the latter. Silence is sacred in my context. It is when I feel nobody else is looking at me, only God-His eyes straight on me.
My name is spelled with close relation with God's character. I feel that I have so much more in me than I am now, to live up to that name. God has yet to unfold his plan. On one side, it is both stupefying and incredibly perplexing when someone quips how special one is, how caring, encouraging or (hypocritically) humble one appears because in my case, I was thrown off the balance. I never thought I am all the above or maybe people just say it out of politeness. Either way, it is just not how I see myself. If I was to rate myself, here goes: unwilling to mix, indifferent, social skills deficient-fits well in the category of a loner. Not that I am complaining. I cherish solitude.